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Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Trying to Talk to Rainman Like A Friend

 Rainman and I went out for lunch a few days ago.  We needed to talk about a few budget issues and we didn't want to talk in front of the kids this time.  Usually, we do almost all of our budget talks in front of them, so they understand why we have to say "no" to some of their stuff, so they see how expensive it is feeding 8 people, so they see how bad it is to have credit card debt.

Anyway, we had some bigger stuff to discuss so we decided to head out to lunch at the golf course where D-man works.  We were killing two birds with one stone too, since he had to be picked up at 2:00.

We got there about 12:45ish, ordered our lunch, talked about our money stuff and were done with that by about 1:05.

I think it surprised both of us that we pretty much agreed on everything that the other person had been thinking.  So, there we sat, food in front of us to be eaten and trapped at the restaurant until D-man got off of work.

Rainman looked at me and said, "What else do you want to talk about?"

He says this because usually, I have a list.  A big list.  A big list of hard to talk about things.

But, this time, I had only been planning on having our money talk and hadn't made a list.  I thought it would take much longer.

He was shocked and said, "Well, isn't there anything else you want to talk about?"

I said, "Hmmmm......"

He said, "What is it?  I can tell you are thinking something...."

I said, "I do wish I could talk to you like a friend sometimes."

He said, " Well, go ahead.  I can talk to you like a friend."

We bickered back and forth about that for a few minutes, until I finally gave in.

I will just simplify this post to say that I was, in fact, right.  I can't really talk to Rainman like I can a friend.  I know there are some of you out there who say you are married to your best friend (I have seen your gushing posts on Facebook) or say that you can talk about anything with your spouse.

I am not that person.

I love Rainman.

I know, beyond a doubt, that Rainman has my back.

But, I cannot talk to him like I can a friend.

We are partners, but he doesn't understand me like a friend does.

But, I decided to try:  I tentatively tried to pour out my heart about, energy level (or lack of it) and my feelings about my size.  How frustrating and embarrassing it is to look and feel the way I do.

His response was, "Well, it is simple.  You just have to get up and do more stuff.  Move more."

I don't remember all that he said, because he kept repeating himself saying the same sort of Rosie O'Donnell-esque - eat less, move more - stuff, in his very matter of fact "guy" way...that it was a very black and white thing to be fixed.

When he came up for air, I said something like, "Thanks.  Okay.  Well, I guess that proved the fact that I can't really talk to you like a friend."

He was mightily offended by that and demanded to know how a friend would have told me anything different.  He kept saying things like, "Well, if you have a friend that wouldn't tell you the truth, then you need new friends.  They should tell you things like they are, not just what you want to hear."

I do have friends that absolutely tell it like it is....even the hard stuff.  But, they don't tell it like he does.  I don't know if it is just the fact that they tell it with a slight tilt of the head and a kinder tone of voice, but, it is just different coming from one of them than it was coming from him.

When he kept pushing to know how what he said was anything different than one of my friends would have said, I said that they would have had an over-arching compassion and an attitude that I shouldn't be so hard on myself.

He said, "Okay, then, by the way, don't be so hard on yourself."

We both laughed, but, I am fairly certain that we both came away from the conversation with different opinions on how it went.

I think he would say that we had a nice talk.  I opened up to him.  He gave me some great advice.

I would say, we had a nice talk about the budget.  I liked my sandwich.  I opened up to him.  I regretted opening up to him.  Almost my whole thought process revolved around thoughts like: Geez, when is D-man's shift ever going to end?

The biggest thing I would learn from this is that I should keep my girlfriends.


How about you guys?  Are any of you actually married to people that you can talk to about "friend" stuff?  Should I encourage my daughters that they can actually find that kind of man/woman relationship with their spouses?  Or, is it a fantasy and that is why God gave us girlfriends?

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

A Milestone That Did NOT Make Me Weepy!

I actually experienced a life milestone with one of my kids and it didn't make me weepy.

I know, right?

My boy....D-man....voted for the first time today.  Our schedules even lined up so we could go together.

So many of the milestones and rights of passage that come for the kids end up making me weepy at the thought of how much my baby has grown.

But, this one, today, just made me smile.

He has actually spent more time watching debates than I have.  He and Rainman have talked and discussed the pros and cons of all the candidates, strategized about who they think would be better for the nation, debated the merits of being a "decent" man in Washington D.C.  They have both shouted at the t.v. when someone said something that they felt was particular boneheaded, because they had done their research and knew not to just accept blindly what was being touted as "fact".

He and I did not vote for the same candidate, but we both understand why the other person voted the way they did and don't hate each other for our choices.

I am still smiling.  He just rolled his eyes when I said I wanted to get a picture of us, but I assume, one day, this picture will make him smile too.