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Sunday, March 3, 2019

Ready to Chat a Bit

I have had lots of stuff going on lately, but I think I am finally ready to chat a bit about it.

I guess I will just be random because life doesn't really happen in any particular order, does it?

I have been working a lot.  That has mostly been good.  We have had to restructure and change our routines around home, but my kids are fantastic and just go with the flow.  Man, they are helpful (most of the time).   Rainman has really stepped up and is handling a lot more of the teaching responsibilities (which is a relief and also sort of hurts my feelings....LOL.  Women!  Right?  As my dad always used to say....women are inscrutable.)

I used to make fun of this other homeschool mom I knew that had her kids call her by her first name, Betsy...not mom.  When I asked her about it, she said that when she became a mom, she didn't want to lose her "Betsy-ness", so that is what they did.  She was this fantastic fun homeschool mom that was adventurous, nurturing, and not afraid to get messy with the kids.  There was a piece me of that wished I was more like her and not so structured in our homeschooling.  But, I just could not wrap my head around her wanting her kids not to call her mom.  It was weird.

However, I sort of get it now.  Sort of.  Now that I am working and doing a few things just for me again, I am getting a bit more of my "Kayla-ness" I get that aspect of it.  But, the most important part of me is still being mom to my 6 kids. So, they had better still call me mom.  (Hear that, A-girl?)

I have had two true close friends since moving to Georgia.  I do have other friends...but Debbie and Sherri were, in the words of Anne of Green Gables, my "bosom friends".

Debbie was on her way to meet me last July and was hit by someone who ran a stop sign. After a long hard battle, she finally succumbed to her injuries in December.  It was and is heartbreaking.  I still find myself wanting to pick up the phone and chat before I remember that I can't.  I miss her.  In the words of Forest Gump....that is all I have to say about that.....

Sherri got a fantastic job offer in....Ohio.  She and I can still chat on the phone and text, but I know I will miss our occasional 3 hour face-to-face chats when one of us just needed to vent and process something out loud.  I miss her.

So, I am bosom friend-less here.  I have a lot of kind, nice people in my circle, but those were the two that knew most everything about me and loved me anyway.  The two that I could really be my true, authentic, weird self with.  It has been hard.  I don't really want to go out and try to make new bosom friends.  Ugg.  I can remember when we moved down  here when I realized that I actually had to put some work in and be more up front and bold and actually pursue friendships....just like in elementary school.  I don't want to.  LOL

The other big thing I have been doing is working on losing weight.  I am down 50 pounds, so far.....still a bunch to go....but, man it feels good to start to see the old me coming out from behind the bulk.  It is good to try on clothes and not completely hate how I look (not completely....).  I wear make-up more often.  I were jewelry.  I even spritz on a little perfume every now and then.  Crazy stuff, I tell you.

I have also been singing.  I joined a 60s soul band back in October and last month, I auditioned for a swing band as a lead vocalist and got it.  I am in heaven.  Those of you who have known me for more than a few years, know that singing used to be my life.  I even tried to sing as a career once upon a time (before I realized just how many other great singers there are in the world).  I sent out a lot of demo tapes, did a lot of weddings and funerals, but that was pretty much the extent of my "musical career".  Then I met Rainman, had a bunch of babies....and had little people that would literally tell me to stop singing when I would burst into song around them.  LOL  True story.

A few years ago, I did start singing in the contemporary praise band at my church where I would once in a while be assigned a song that really let me shine a bit and made me feel like I was a real singer again, but mostly it was just singing on key and blending in with the group.

I have to admit that I am super excited about the swing band.  I have been listening to big band music since way before it was cool.  I have loved artists like Rosemary Clooney, Frank Sinatra, Doris Day, and Peggy Lee since I was in my 20s.  Rainman came with me to my audition (strange date night, but it is what you do when you have a bunch of kids).  My audition was literally to sing 3 songs (Summertime, Orange Colored Sky, and Sentimental Journey) during their concert set (cold turkey - without ever rehearsing with them)  at an assisted living home.  There were maybe 15-20 or so people there, which was about the same number as there were in the band....give or take....people would wheel themselves in at out occasionally.  Somehow, I wasn't super nervous....even though I have never practiced with these guys.  I just hoped and prayed that I could still remember how to count and came in at the proper entrances.

I did good.

We practiced a few songs at a rehearsal after the concert and I messed up a few times....nothing major....but mistakes.  The band was kind....even though they really know their stuff.  I am rusty, with a capital R.  One time, one of the trombone players, who is a former band/choir director was shouting at me from his spot....that I was 2 bars off....and telling me....come in here.  Embarrassing, but true.  LOL

The cutest thing may have been Rainman's reaction to the whole thing.  He was so excited for me.  So sweet and complimentary.  He sat there with a huge smile on his face the whole concert.  Afterwards, he said he was so wrapped up in how good we were that he forgot to film.  He also talked about ways to make my involvement in the band easier with the kids and everything.  He even realized that I would need some new clothes for performances and told me not to worry about money.  He this is big people.....offered to take the day off...for our first gig in March.  That is almost an unheard of offer from him.  Really.

Even though I my 50s now....there is a piece of me that feels like I am back in my 20s....kind of figuring out the trajectory of my life again.  The feeling is both exhilarating and terrifying.  Oh well.  It is life.