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Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Distracted From Life

I have been distracted from life lately.  Because of this.....

Look away from the puffy, make up free face and look down to the equally puffy neck.  See the new scar?

On a side note:  When did my face turn into this?

I had surgery to have my thyroid removed.

Long story short, I had a lump.  The lump grew.  Ultrasound was performed.  Sixteen lumps were found.  A biopsy was performed on the biggest lumps.  The official results were "abnormal".  So, out it came.   Cut to the chase.  It was NOT cancer.  Yay!  They were follicular adenomas (benign tumors).  But, as stated in my pathology report, much of my thyroid was black and gelatinous.  So, my doctor and I are both glad it is out.

I was warned that recovery would take 1-2 weeks.  I laughed about it.  I joked about milking it a little longer.  But, I figured I would be back to "normal" in a few days.  I thought I would be back at church the Sunday after - not singing in the praise band - but sitting in the pew, at least.  I thought I might see a few massage clients.

Then I had the surgery and it has really taken me almost 2 weeks to recover and feel sort of human again.

It has had strange side effects that, somehow, I wasn't expecting.

I have been totally wiped out and tired.  I can take numerous daytime naps and still sleep all night long.  That has gotten a little bit better now that I am taking thyroid replacement medication, but, I am still reaaaaaaalllllly, I spent the first 2 days after starting medication a big, old weepy mess....with my teenage son backing away from me in fear. Emoji  LOL

I have done very little in the last 2 weeks, except lay around, read, and watch t.v. (It has been sort of fantastic and I don't even feel all that guilty about it.)

I do feel a little guilty that A-man turned 10 a few days after my surgery and I didn't have the strength/energy to make his cake.  But, he got his presents, so he wasn't too sad.  Making his cake is on my agenda for this week though, so he will still get it.

My fantastic church ladies brought meals for us for while I was in the hospital and a few days afterwards.  It wasn't "necessary", but man, it was AWESOME!

Here is my problem.

I don't want to go back to my old life.

Not to say I want to nap all day, everyday or have other people bring food to us (although..... Emoji)

But, I have liked the slow pace to our days.  I have liked just snuggling and having no real expectations for my day.  It is weird.  It is crazy.  I don't want it to stop.

Sadly, it is unrealistic.  But, I am hoping to make a few changes to simplify things around here....again.  

All this couch time has allowed for a lot of praying and thinking time, too.  Self reflection.  Equal parts dreaming and beating myself up.

So, we shall see what changes actually happen and which ones I chicken out about.

I will keep you posted.