A bit of FYI business before I move on to my main post.
I am wrapping up review season with the TOS crew...so there will be quite a few reviews coming your way in the next few weeks. Some of them are exclusively for homeschoolers, but some of them can make great supplements for your public school kids too. So, don't write them off automatically.
I had intended to get up this morning, have my 5 minutes with God and leave the house to write. It was a really good plan. When I went to bed last night I realized that I actually didn't need to set my alarm because nobody needed to be anywhere in the wee hours of the morning...and no extra kids/babies needed me this morning.
I was so excited.
Rainman and I slept from 10 p.m. until 8:00 a.m. at our bed and breakfast and were shocked at how good we felt when we got up. We could have slept for hours more, if we didn't have to be adults. ( I wonder if some of it had to do the fact that even if there was a weird noise or something, we knew we weren't the ones that had to deal with it.)
It felt so good. I was super excited to get that kind of restful sleep in my own bed.
I didn't get to bed quite so early last night...it was probably 11 or so before we were all tucked in our beds where we were supposed to be.
Rainman and I had some nice pillow talk and off to sleep we went.
Ahhh.....
Until the beeping started at...hmmm....I would say 1:00 a.m. or so.
I knew just what it was too, because it had scared the kids earlier in the week when it started beeping in the basement.
It was our First Alert Carbon Monoxide detector. It had gone off earlier in the week in the basement. Of course, I was the only adult home....so we opened the doors down there...set the reset button and waited. It stopped beeping. All good.
Then a few days later, it did it again. It got to the point that the kids were afraid to go in the basement. They started going down 2 by 2 whenever we needed anything from down there. (It made me laugh because our basement is heaven compared to, say, my Grandma Braastad's creepy basement - starting with her steps where someone could grab your ankles through the back.....)
I didn't panic too much about it beeping (even though the kids had read the back of the thing where it said to call 911 and were in a bit of a panic) because logically, I couldn't figure out why it was going off - since we had had windows open with the nicer weather. When I had it in the basement, it was sitting right next to our dehumidifier, so I thought maybe that was the problem. I decided to do an experiment and put it upstairs, in our kitchen.
It didn't go off for days....until 1:00 a.m. last night.
Of course.
This time though, I wasn't the only adult at home, so I woke up Rainman to help me handle it. He got right out of bed and headed to the basement, while I tried stopping him to tell him I had moved it into the kitchen. It was a comedy of errors with us both stumbling around, squinting at things trying to figure out why it was being so stupid in the middle of the night.
We couldn't figure it out because it was plugged in right under an open window. I went back to bed about the time Rainman got out the screw driver to pop that sucker open and take a look inside. LOL It is nice when you can trust someone enough to head to bed and let them handle it.
He was gone a really long time. Long story short, he did a little internet research and the 5 chirps every minute we were hearing meant that our detector had reached the end of its life and needed to be completely replaced.....not that we were about to become a sad news story. So, he just unplugged it and chucked it in the garbage. We mumbled to each other that we would have to add that to our list for Lowe's (that and batteries for our smoke detectors....which we remembered we had just taken a few of them off the ceiling when they beeped and we didn't have replacement batteries for)
Ahhh....sleep.....where are you?
Rainman, of course, even though he had been up...in the light...and reading on the computer...fell asleep almost immediately. Took me a little longer, but I did too...until.....the next round of weird beeping/chirping started at 3:33 a.m.
This time it was Rainman's cell phone that he had forgotten to charge - emitting its.."hey....you need to charge me" annoying tone....that I seem to be the only one to hear...and it is always....always...in the middle of the night.
I flopped out of bed and went and plugged it into the charger mumbling about never getting to sleep. Rainman, who had awoken at my dramatic cover flop, looked at the clock and reassured me that it wasn't even 6:00 yet, so I would be good.
Men.
I didn't actually wake up this morning until 8:30 when the light from the sun actually hit me in the face. It was great, and weird....I am almost always out of bed when it is dark. It was honestly very, very strange. Plus, sleeping in like that messes with my alone time/quiet time. A-man was already up doing school when I came into the living room. So, it has just been a weird morning, but one where I can honestly say, I appreciate having a partner in life with Rainman, for those times when even if you don't want to, you have to be an adult.
I went back to bed last night and started thinking about my kids....especially D-man and A-man having to be the brave one that checks out the weird noises or even to be the one that stays up getting to the bottom of the weird noise, so their wife can go back to sleep with the full confidence that they will handle it.
I hope and pray that all 4 of my girls end up with a nice, brave fellow adult to face the weird noises with too.
Recent Posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Friday, October 30, 2015
Wednesday, October 28, 2015
What We Really Did on Monday
We had to be home from our time away by 10:00 a.m. on our anniversary. So, on our actual anniversary, we really taught 1st, 3rd, 5th, and 8th grade. We babysat adorable 9 month old twin baby girls. And, we also went to a Key Club induction ceremony.
Have you heard of Key club. I hadn't until D-man and A-girls school started a chapter. It is part of the Kiwanis Clubs. In simple terms, they are basically a service oriented volunteer organization.
Their school started a Key Club at the end of last year, so their official induction ceremony was this fall. It was scheduled for the night of our anniversary. We decided that since A-man's baseball game was cancelled, that we could all attend the ceremony and then we could pop over to a Mexican restaurant that we had a gift card for, for a family anniversary celebration.
D-man and A-girl had to be there early, so they took the car and we met them there later with the van. When we arrived, we saw both A-girl and D-man buzzing around. Busy with stuff, not just chatting. I was pretty sure D-man was some sort of officer, but honestly couldn't quite remember which one.
Have you ever had one of those moments where you are looking at your child and you can't quite figure out what was going on....where this kid has been hiding....how in the world they got so good at something?
Let me just say this about D-man, he has always been super smart. Always. Super smart. Homeschooled. Non-homeschooled. His brain just works in a way where he can remember and fit together all the stuff he needs to know to get it right on tests.
He has also always been a pretty funny and clever guy, but as he has gotten older, and more mature, I could see him quieting down and picking and choosing his times to be funny. It is a good thing. It is a mature thing.
Well, it turns out that D-man is actually president of his chapter of Key Club, which means the bulk of the induction ceremony duties were on him. He was basically the Master of Ceremonies behind the microphone.
He is a really good public speaker.
Who knew?
He spoke clearly. He had inflection. He looked around at his audience. He made a few jokes. He basically had command of the stage.
I sat there thinking....who is this kid? I just didn't know he had this little piece of him in there. The local head of the Kiwanis club spoke and shared part of his earlier conversation with my son. It is interesting to hear what other people think about your "people". It was interesting to hear what D-man had shared with him.
A-girl also holds an office. She is the fundraising coordinator. Neither of us are completely sure what that means yet, but I know she will do awesome. She is determined to do her best in absolutely everything she tackles. So....look out world.
Side note: A-girl has been eyeing one of the skirts in my closet for awhile now. It is a skirt that hasn't fit me in forever, but has made all the moves with us because I can't quite let go of it. She asked if she could possibly wear it to the induction ceremony. I said yes.
The funny thing is....well....I guess in my mind there are 2 funny things. The first funny thing is that I remember thinking I was big (fat) at the time I used to wear this skirt...but I wore it all the time. It was my date outfit. I wore it with this rust colored scoop necked t-shirt. I had a lot of dates, so I wore it a lot. The second funny thing is that both Rainman and I are pretty sure I actually wore it on our first date....20 something years ago......exactly.
Awwwww......or Ewwwww......depending on your outlook.
Anyway, the induction ceremony went great. We realized, at one point, that A-man and D-man were wearing the same basic outfit.
D-man and A-girl finished up their duties and off we went to the Mexican restaurant....but it was closed. Cones blocking the parking lot kind of closed. Boo.
Luckily, there is another Mexican place nearby since we were all wanting chips/salsa (but we didn't have a gift card) - we decided to live dangerously and go anyway - because it was $1.00 taco night! Yay!
Rainman and I both decided we would get a margarita in honor of our anniversary. This place has them in like 5 different sizes....colossal, monster, jumbo, large, and regular....or something like that. Well, Rainman ordered a large and told me to get a jumbo...so I did. (Peer pressure: apparently I am still susceptible.)
Oh, my word....it was practically larger than my head! Can you even imagine with the colossal or monster sizes are?!?!?
Don't worry, I wasn't driving and I didn't finish it! It was yummy though...I could have just had that and my chips and salsa and been a happy woman.
It was a good anniversary and I am glad we got to do something special with the kids too. Strange to think back to both our first date and the day I married Rainman.... and see what has become of us....to see the 6 little people that have entered the world because of us....because of our first date at Baker's Square....because I said yes to a second date....because I agreed to marry this guy.....God is amazing, isn't He?
Have you heard of Key club. I hadn't until D-man and A-girls school started a chapter. It is part of the Kiwanis Clubs. In simple terms, they are basically a service oriented volunteer organization.
Their school started a Key Club at the end of last year, so their official induction ceremony was this fall. It was scheduled for the night of our anniversary. We decided that since A-man's baseball game was cancelled, that we could all attend the ceremony and then we could pop over to a Mexican restaurant that we had a gift card for, for a family anniversary celebration.
D-man and A-girl had to be there early, so they took the car and we met them there later with the van. When we arrived, we saw both A-girl and D-man buzzing around. Busy with stuff, not just chatting. I was pretty sure D-man was some sort of officer, but honestly couldn't quite remember which one.
Have you ever had one of those moments where you are looking at your child and you can't quite figure out what was going on....where this kid has been hiding....how in the world they got so good at something?
Let me just say this about D-man, he has always been super smart. Always. Super smart. Homeschooled. Non-homeschooled. His brain just works in a way where he can remember and fit together all the stuff he needs to know to get it right on tests.
He has also always been a pretty funny and clever guy, but as he has gotten older, and more mature, I could see him quieting down and picking and choosing his times to be funny. It is a good thing. It is a mature thing.
Well, it turns out that D-man is actually president of his chapter of Key Club, which means the bulk of the induction ceremony duties were on him. He was basically the Master of Ceremonies behind the microphone.
He is a really good public speaker.
Who knew?
He spoke clearly. He had inflection. He looked around at his audience. He made a few jokes. He basically had command of the stage.
I sat there thinking....who is this kid? I just didn't know he had this little piece of him in there. The local head of the Kiwanis club spoke and shared part of his earlier conversation with my son. It is interesting to hear what other people think about your "people". It was interesting to hear what D-man had shared with him.
A-girl also holds an office. She is the fundraising coordinator. Neither of us are completely sure what that means yet, but I know she will do awesome. She is determined to do her best in absolutely everything she tackles. So....look out world.
Side note: A-girl has been eyeing one of the skirts in my closet for awhile now. It is a skirt that hasn't fit me in forever, but has made all the moves with us because I can't quite let go of it. She asked if she could possibly wear it to the induction ceremony. I said yes.
The funny thing is....well....I guess in my mind there are 2 funny things. The first funny thing is that I remember thinking I was big (fat) at the time I used to wear this skirt...but I wore it all the time. It was my date outfit. I wore it with this rust colored scoop necked t-shirt. I had a lot of dates, so I wore it a lot. The second funny thing is that both Rainman and I are pretty sure I actually wore it on our first date....20 something years ago......exactly.
Awwwww......or Ewwwww......depending on your outlook.
Anyway, the induction ceremony went great. We realized, at one point, that A-man and D-man were wearing the same basic outfit.
D-man and A-girl finished up their duties and off we went to the Mexican restaurant....but it was closed. Cones blocking the parking lot kind of closed. Boo.
Luckily, there is another Mexican place nearby since we were all wanting chips/salsa (but we didn't have a gift card) - we decided to live dangerously and go anyway - because it was $1.00 taco night! Yay!
Rainman and I both decided we would get a margarita in honor of our anniversary. This place has them in like 5 different sizes....colossal, monster, jumbo, large, and regular....or something like that. Well, Rainman ordered a large and told me to get a jumbo...so I did. (Peer pressure: apparently I am still susceptible.)
Oh, my word....it was practically larger than my head! Can you even imagine with the colossal or monster sizes are?!?!?
Don't worry, I wasn't driving and I didn't finish it! It was yummy though...I could have just had that and my chips and salsa and been a happy woman.
It was a good anniversary and I am glad we got to do something special with the kids too. Strange to think back to both our first date and the day I married Rainman.... and see what has become of us....to see the 6 little people that have entered the world because of us....because of our first date at Baker's Square....because I said yes to a second date....because I agreed to marry this guy.....God is amazing, isn't He?
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
Our Itty Bitty Time Away
Like I told you yesterday, Rainman and I got to sneak away for a little bit for our anniversary. Back in the early days of our marriage in Minnesota, we went to a Bed & Breakfast every year around our anniversary. That stopped somewhere about 3 or 4 kids into the deal. It just got harder and harder to coordinate childcare, our work schedules, and our money. So, it sort of faded away.
Earlier this year, Rainman announced that he thought we should go to a B&B down here for our anniversary. He even looked on-line and found a few for me to look at. I told him I would research and see what I thought and see if we could figure out childcare. Back in Minnesota....we had family that we could farm the kids out to....or Rainman's mom would fly up from Chicago and stay with the kids.
Georgia is different. No family and friends that are busy with their own kids/jobs. However, we also have sort of old kids now. Rainman assured me that D-man and the other bigs could handle it. I absolutely trust my kids to babysit other people's children...but, for some reason, I was hesitant about their own flesh and blood. Ha!
Our biggest problem was finding time that would work. But, we found a itty bitty time slot right at our anniversary.
Last week, Rainman kept asking me....so...are we going or not? (Oops...I hadn't done anything) I looked on-line and found a little B&B south of Atlanta that I thought looked promising. I contacted the inn keeper and she had vacancies. So, we booked it. Talked to the kids. Figured out logistics of vehicles and which kid needed to be where and made sure D-man could handle it.
Rainman and I finally hit the road heading out about 4ish on Sunday afternoon. At about 4:30, my cell phone rang. It was D-man. We had forgotten to leave him keys for the van. Oops. So, we turned around and drove home...again. It was a lovely drive...both times.
We got to the town, followed our printed Mapquest directions that.....didn't take us to the B&B. Luckily, we had Rainman who has a brain for these types of things....we drove around a bit, looked at house numbers, he did some guess work, drove by many of the same houses 2 or 3 times, and....we found our place....after driving around town for about 20 minutes. (I would have just stopped and asked for directions at the fire station, but that is me...where is the fun in that, right?)
We dropped off our bags in our room and decided to go try to find someplace to eat. We were hungry.
But, that is the thing about small towns.....especially small towns in the south....lots of places are closed on Sundays. So, we drove and drove....nothing....not many restaurants...and the ones we found, were closed.
We finally decided to drive to a nearby larger town and see if we could find anything there. Then, we did the modern day problem solving technique (when you don't own a smart phone anyway)....we texted D-man and asked him to look on-line and see if he could actually find anything that was open and that looked good. He found us a place that sounded good, but we couldn't find it. Our car also doesn't have GPS either.
So, we resorted to the unthinkable....we actually called D-man on the phone, so he could describe the map to us on the phone. After a few false turns, we finally found this great little steak house in a strip mall by Rite Aid. Despite its very odd location, it was really good.
We didn't try to have any big talks or discuss big lists on this anniversary. We have done both of those before with mixed results. Sometimes it has been fantastic and sometimes we have spent money to be at a B&B only to be completely annoyed with each other and our time filled with awkward silences!
This time, we were just together. We just chatted about stuff we thought about. The kids. Work. My writing. Just chatting. No "discussions".
It was nice.
I think we both had a good time.
We loved our inn keeper, Jenny, (by the way - small world moment here - after I booked with Jenny, I was looking on-line at reviews and things and found one from a friend of mine from church - who it turned out had been friends with Jenny since kindergarten!) Rainman and I decided Jenny had a very interesting, adventurous life. Plus, she was super fun and super sweet.
She is also a caterer and has had some cool clients.
How you christen a room when you have been married for 19 years.....like this....LOL!
Jenny left us yummy chocolate cake for our anniversary. The frosting was like my mom's chocolate frosting. That thick kind that hardens. Yummmmmm......
The bathroom was spectacular. Although it took Rainman a minute to figure out how to flush the toilet. Apparently I have been in a lot more old houses than him because I coached him through what to look for from the hallway!
I was so excited about getting into this tub. So excited.....
.....but, I was too tall for it to be comfortable. I ended up having my knees up in my face, but, if you were a shorter person than me...it would have been fantastic!
There was even a music room, which, if we had had more time, I would have sat down and played the piano for a bit.
We sat outside on the porch for a bit. It had a comfy love seat and this cool lighting.
Jenny served us a beautiful and delicious breakfast, but apparently I am showing my age again, because I just.... ate it when it came.....and didn't remember that I should have taken a picture of it until I was almost done. It was far less pretty then. So, use your imagination....
Jenny even sat with us for a bit and chatted. We were in a hurry to get home because we had obligations and children waiting for us. But, it was good. It was really nice, just a bit more rushed than I would have liked.
If you are ever south of Atlanta, near Barnesville....check out the Rumble Seat Bed and Breakfast and say hi to Jenny. Tell her I sent you. She is awesome!
On a side note: Remember she is a caterer too and she also does cooking classes and not just regular, old cooking classes...check this out...
...she also does destination classes. Last year, she took a group to Tuscany for a week. See? Fun, adventurous life.
Earlier this year, Rainman announced that he thought we should go to a B&B down here for our anniversary. He even looked on-line and found a few for me to look at. I told him I would research and see what I thought and see if we could figure out childcare. Back in Minnesota....we had family that we could farm the kids out to....or Rainman's mom would fly up from Chicago and stay with the kids.
Georgia is different. No family and friends that are busy with their own kids/jobs. However, we also have sort of old kids now. Rainman assured me that D-man and the other bigs could handle it. I absolutely trust my kids to babysit other people's children...but, for some reason, I was hesitant about their own flesh and blood. Ha!
Our biggest problem was finding time that would work. But, we found a itty bitty time slot right at our anniversary.
Last week, Rainman kept asking me....so...are we going or not? (Oops...I hadn't done anything) I looked on-line and found a little B&B south of Atlanta that I thought looked promising. I contacted the inn keeper and she had vacancies. So, we booked it. Talked to the kids. Figured out logistics of vehicles and which kid needed to be where and made sure D-man could handle it.
Rainman and I finally hit the road heading out about 4ish on Sunday afternoon. At about 4:30, my cell phone rang. It was D-man. We had forgotten to leave him keys for the van. Oops. So, we turned around and drove home...again. It was a lovely drive...both times.
We got to the town, followed our printed Mapquest directions that.....didn't take us to the B&B. Luckily, we had Rainman who has a brain for these types of things....we drove around a bit, looked at house numbers, he did some guess work, drove by many of the same houses 2 or 3 times, and....we found our place....after driving around town for about 20 minutes. (I would have just stopped and asked for directions at the fire station, but that is me...where is the fun in that, right?)
We dropped off our bags in our room and decided to go try to find someplace to eat. We were hungry.
But, that is the thing about small towns.....especially small towns in the south....lots of places are closed on Sundays. So, we drove and drove....nothing....not many restaurants...and the ones we found, were closed.
We finally decided to drive to a nearby larger town and see if we could find anything there. Then, we did the modern day problem solving technique (when you don't own a smart phone anyway)....we texted D-man and asked him to look on-line and see if he could actually find anything that was open and that looked good. He found us a place that sounded good, but we couldn't find it. Our car also doesn't have GPS either.
So, we resorted to the unthinkable....we actually called D-man on the phone, so he could describe the map to us on the phone. After a few false turns, we finally found this great little steak house in a strip mall by Rite Aid. Despite its very odd location, it was really good.
We didn't try to have any big talks or discuss big lists on this anniversary. We have done both of those before with mixed results. Sometimes it has been fantastic and sometimes we have spent money to be at a B&B only to be completely annoyed with each other and our time filled with awkward silences!
This time, we were just together. We just chatted about stuff we thought about. The kids. Work. My writing. Just chatting. No "discussions".
It was nice.
I think we both had a good time.
We loved our inn keeper, Jenny, (by the way - small world moment here - after I booked with Jenny, I was looking on-line at reviews and things and found one from a friend of mine from church - who it turned out had been friends with Jenny since kindergarten!) Rainman and I decided Jenny had a very interesting, adventurous life. Plus, she was super fun and super sweet.
She is also a caterer and has had some cool clients.
How you christen a room when you have been married for 19 years.....like this....LOL!
Jenny left us yummy chocolate cake for our anniversary. The frosting was like my mom's chocolate frosting. That thick kind that hardens. Yummmmmm......
The bathroom was spectacular. Although it took Rainman a minute to figure out how to flush the toilet. Apparently I have been in a lot more old houses than him because I coached him through what to look for from the hallway!
I was so excited about getting into this tub. So excited.....
There was even a music room, which, if we had had more time, I would have sat down and played the piano for a bit.
We sat outside on the porch for a bit. It had a comfy love seat and this cool lighting.
Jenny served us a beautiful and delicious breakfast, but apparently I am showing my age again, because I just.... ate it when it came.....and didn't remember that I should have taken a picture of it until I was almost done. It was far less pretty then. So, use your imagination....
Jenny even sat with us for a bit and chatted. We were in a hurry to get home because we had obligations and children waiting for us. But, it was good. It was really nice, just a bit more rushed than I would have liked.
If you are ever south of Atlanta, near Barnesville....check out the Rumble Seat Bed and Breakfast and say hi to Jenny. Tell her I sent you. She is awesome!
On a side note: Remember she is a caterer too and she also does cooking classes and not just regular, old cooking classes...check this out...
...she also does destination classes. Last year, she took a group to Tuscany for a week. See? Fun, adventurous life.
Monday, October 26, 2015
Love Is.....
Today is my 19th wedding anniversary to Rainman. We snuck away for a miniscule amount of time...so I am reposting this article I wrote back in February about what love actually is....
Remember that comic strip from the 70’s, Love Is…..? They had the little naked people extolling little “love” snippets of wisdom. Remember that one? That was my first introduction to thinking about love. I remember reading that comic strip, feeling slightly creeped out that they were naked, but also feeling wishful that someday that would be me….in love. (Insert breathy sigh here…..)
I was a voracious reader when I was in high school. I think my mom would haul me back and forth to the library every Saturday morning for a new stash of books (I will have to ask her if I am remembering that right). I read a lot of things. I read Science Fiction, Action/Adventure, but, I also read a LOT of Harlequin Romances. They were pretty innocent back then. No heaving bosoms or anything. In lots of those, the couple would fight through the whole book and finally realize on the last few pages that they were meant for each other! Or, the heroine would be a young innocent 19 or 20 year old with her first job, of course, as a secretary who knew shorthand, and the hero would be the rich, foreign businessman that would boss her around for the whole book and then, finally, on the last few pages start being nice, because he realized he was in love.
I am not sure if mom knew that I was reading romances or not. I may have hidden those ones between the other, more scholarly looking books. But, my thought process on what the man/woman relationship should be, was being formed. Yes, by my parents and others I knew in real life, but, also every t.v. show I watched, and every book that I read. Let me tell you, the thoughts that were being formed were creating a very unrealistic idea of romantic love. Very unrealistic.
I desperately wanted to be in love. To be loved. Of course, he would be handsome and rich. Of course, he would take me on whirlwind adventures and buy me things. Of course, we wouldn’t argue (even the young, naive me knew that wasn’t what ideal couples did!) Of course, he wouldn’t ever be gross or rude.
And, of course, I didn’t get asked out in high school.
I pretended that it didn’t bother me and kept busy with….everything I could. But, I was totally bummed out and felt like a loser. Wanting to have a boyfriend pretty much consumed my every waking thought. Uggg, when I think of the time and opportunities I wasted on the pursuit of….love/boys.
Ahhhh, the foolishness of youth.
As someone who has come out the other side and survived numerous bad relationships from my first boyfriend, as a freshman in college, who was a pastoral student who didn’t like the attention I got when I sang and totally and completely broke my heart. To the pot smoking biker, with the wallet chained to his pants. To the, pretty sure he was slightly corrupt, police officer, that was 18 years my senior (Want to be a little creeped out? He was fighting in Vietnam the year I was born.) To the very bad, very brief, very unhealthy first marriage. I feel like I know a thing or two about love now. Real love.
I definitely feel like I know the difference between the important things and the not so important things now, when it comes to love. Things that teenage me, or even young 20’s me, wouldn’t have understood….or, would have even thought about.
Important things like:
Looks really aren’t that important. The man you fall in love with might have really gross feet. You will probably gain weight after having children. The man you fall in love with won’t care at all about how much you gained or how long you keep the baby weight. He really, really won’t.
Sadly, the lessons I learned about love, came from the failures. They were heart breaking, gut wrenching, and even downright stupid ways to learn. My hope is that somehow I can pass along these lessons to my children, so they don’t have to learn the hard way, like I did. Unrealistic? Maybe. But a mom can hope, can’t she?
I learned about someone truly loving me for me, not the package, by being married to someone who was all about the package. I won’t go into detail about that marriage, but, he seemed to love me (or be kind to me) only if I kept the house clean, and washed the dishes when he thought they should be washed. He hid food from me…for, in his own words, “my own good”, because he wanted me to “look like the woman he married”. The tall, slim beauty pageant blonde he was proud to be seen with. We got divorced.
I am still a little ashamed to be a divorced woman. That was absolutely not part of my plan for romantic love or my life. But, I am. It is what it is.
But, I learned.
I am happily married now, to Rainman. Someone who, much to my children’s embarrassment, is “all over me” size 8 or size 22….because….he loves ME….even when there are dirty dishes piled on every available inch of counter space, and when there is laundry, toys, and school projects strewn all over the living room.
Rainman really and truly loves me…for…me.
I want my children to learn from my many, many mistakes. I want them to know what is important in love and in life. I want them to know that boring is good. You don’t need drama, or even “chemistry” to be happy in love.
I didn’t think Rainman was cute on our first date, but, we closed down Baker’s Square that night, because we couldn’t stop talking. I didn’t like the way he was dressed. He had what I jokingly refer to as “anchorman hair”. I didn’t like the fact that he was Catholic. Since I didn’t even think he was cute, he and I certainly didn’t have any of the oft touted “chemistry” that everyone says is so crucial to a relationship. But, did you catch the part about us closing down Baker’s Square because we couldn’t stop talking?
Guess what? I think he is super cute now. We have had 9 pregnancies with 6 children to show for it, in our 18 years of marriage. Those children are in an almost constant state of embarrassment from us being so “into” each other. So, guess how our “chemistry” is now?
Rainman isn’t romantic. Never has been. Never will be. I have survived. (Here is my dirty little secret….I am not really the right kind of girl to be on the receiving end of romantic gestures either. I roll my eyes at flowers, jewelry and mushy sentiments being expressed. So, I guess we were meant to be. LOL)
Rainman isn’t a lot of things. He isn’t selfish. He isn’t picky. He isn’t concerned about how I look.
Love Isn’t…..
Love Isn’t…..flowery words and gifts.
Love Isn’t…..romance.
Love Isn’t…..only for the good looking, rich people.
Love Isn’t….. going to stop bad things from happening to you. They will.
I want my kids to know that you will have days where you wake up and say, “Who is this person I married?” You might even say, “Why did I marry this person?”
I also want them to know this very important thing:
You will not always like the person you married.
That one shocked me. Scared me, even. Nobody told me that one (they didn’t tell me about morning breath and kissing either). But, once I figured it out for myself, I could scroll back through memories of couples that I have known – my parents included – and realize that it was true. It did not mean that I had made a horrible mistake in marrying Rainman. It certainly didn’t mean that I should cut my losses and start over with someone else. It was normal. It would pass. I would once again like, and fall in love with this super nice, and yes, slightly annoying, man.
Love Is…
Love Is…..your husband making sure you have a full tank of gas.
Love Is…..your husband going to the grocery store…so you don’t have to.
Love Is…..watching your husband make your kids giggle…..every single day.
Love Is…..being with someone who isn’t tied up with image….yours or his own.
Love Is…..your husband giving YOU a massage, even though you are a massage therapist.
Sometimes, love does NOT come in the package or the way you envisioned, (sometimes it is a size 22 – me, sometimes it is attached to a person with gross toenails – Rainman), but it can be the best thing that ever happened to you.
Rainman and I make absolutely no sense on paper, but we are awesome in real life. Boring, but awesome!
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
The Talk Went.....
Thank you for any of you that actually took the time to lift up a little prayer for Rainman and I yesterday afternoon.
We decided our best bet on completing an actual conversation without endless questions, song and dance numbers, or, let's face it.....fights....was to actually leave the house. So, he and I trotted off to Chic-Fil-A for a late lunch together.
Man alive....can I just say that Chic-Fil-A is ALWAYS busy. I mean I have noticed it when we drive by - there are always people in the drive thru and the parking lot really does seem to always be full, but I figured at like 1:30ish, the lunch rush would be over. It wasn't.
It was packed. We did manage to find a spot where there was only one lady studying some big textbook at the end of our section (but, honestly, she was still pretty close - there was only one of those skinny 2 person tables between her and us - and I am fairly certain she heard at least some of our "talk" - poor thing. Wonder how much we distracted her. Hope she can still pass her test or whatever it was she was supposed to be studying for!)
We only managed to run into one family we knew from church, whose son said, "Excuse me. Excuse me. Where are your kids?" Legitimate question. Because for him, I am sure he only sees us in a pack formation coming and going at church.
And, the biggest thing - I only cried a little, so overall, I would say the talk went....pretty well.
We are not, all of a sudden, best buddies and googly eyed in love for each other again. But, I was able to explain a bit of my feelings. He was able to explain a few of his and state the shocking fact that I wasn't very good at receiving criticism. (LOL) Are there actually people that are good at receiving criticism? I will have to think about that one.
It is never good when someone starts their statement, "Now, don't take this the wrong way but...." He only did it a few times, but I tried to put on my best....See? I am receiving this criticism in the best possible way...in public.....next to a woman trying her hardest not to eavesdrop on this married couple sort of way.....while people from my church are right over there.....kind of way.
Oh and we were also next to the garbage can....where there was a little wall between us and the garbage. I am pretty sure the worker lady was listening a little bit to us too - because it took her a really long time to exchange the bags and wipe down the area - plus, I think the second time she came back the garbage wasn't even full.......
The best part of our conversation was probably when we talked about the whole waffle and spaghetti thing going on with men's brains and women's brains. Remember? I posted about it a while ago.
We laughed about how true it is that Rainman completely has different little compartments for everything going on....every task.....every feeling....and one box - let's say the box where he is a little mad at me - doesn't even talk to the box where he goes to bed at night. Know what I mean, ladies? (wink...wink.....nudge.....nudge)
Mine, on the other hand is a mushy pile of noodles where everything.....everything.....everything....is connected and touches each other. I thought it was sort of funny that I said that I wished I could be more waffle like and compartmentalize things, but Rainman had no interest in being more noodle like. None.
The best thing I can say is that we managed to clear the air a bit and reaffirm for each other that we are still in this thing together - even if we find the other one annoying. That is love, right? Not movie or t.v. kind of love - but, real, down in the trenches kind of love.
And, it was good that he and I managed to clear the air and be all right with each other, because we had an event to attend with A-girl last night. And nobody wants to be the one there with the parents who are doing the whisper fighting, and the wife is keeping her nose in the air....and saying things like "Tell your father....." Right?
(All I see when I look at this picture is - A-girl really has Rainman's face shape. I have great hair and I have gotten really, really big.)
I don't have pictures yet, so I will tell you more about it later. But, we ran into a family that we know and the mom mentioned that her teenage son reads my blog.
When we got home, I heard A-girl telling L-girl what this mom had said in which she followed up with this statement, ".....I mean.....I don't even read mom's blog!"
Thanks, honey. Thanks a lot.
Hahahaha....it actually cracks me up. Both that this teenage boy reads my blog and that my daughter does not. She did inform me that she thinks my posts are sometimes too long and I don't have enough pictures. That is probably brilliant marketing wisdom right there out of the mouth of a 15 year old. So, I will take it under advisement and see if I can't shorten things up and throw in more pictures!
Here is something I can show you pictures of......
I cut A-man's hair the other night. He is getting to the age where he is finally more into his looks out in public. I have cut his hair more often in the last few months than I ever have. He spends a lot of time trying to explain to me how he would like his hair....and asking me for just a trim. I wasn't quite able to get it exactly how he imagined it, but it is pretty good. I am getting a lot less crooked....and chunky....when I cut. So, that is something, right?
My whole point with this story though was the fact that he sat down in my chair and I blurted out, "Man, you stink A-man. Like, you stink.....stink. I mean....you really smell like a man!"
He sort of did a sideways smile and said, "Yeah, I know." Like he was all proud of being smelly. Then I wondered if that is why middle school boys walk around in sort of a PigPen cloud of odor. They know they smell, they just don't care, because it means they are a MAN.
Before.....
After.....
Love that little smelly man.
We decided our best bet on completing an actual conversation without endless questions, song and dance numbers, or, let's face it.....fights....was to actually leave the house. So, he and I trotted off to Chic-Fil-A for a late lunch together.
Man alive....can I just say that Chic-Fil-A is ALWAYS busy. I mean I have noticed it when we drive by - there are always people in the drive thru and the parking lot really does seem to always be full, but I figured at like 1:30ish, the lunch rush would be over. It wasn't.
It was packed. We did manage to find a spot where there was only one lady studying some big textbook at the end of our section (but, honestly, she was still pretty close - there was only one of those skinny 2 person tables between her and us - and I am fairly certain she heard at least some of our "talk" - poor thing. Wonder how much we distracted her. Hope she can still pass her test or whatever it was she was supposed to be studying for!)
We only managed to run into one family we knew from church, whose son said, "Excuse me. Excuse me. Where are your kids?" Legitimate question. Because for him, I am sure he only sees us in a pack formation coming and going at church.
And, the biggest thing - I only cried a little, so overall, I would say the talk went....pretty well.
We are not, all of a sudden, best buddies and googly eyed in love for each other again. But, I was able to explain a bit of my feelings. He was able to explain a few of his and state the shocking fact that I wasn't very good at receiving criticism. (LOL) Are there actually people that are good at receiving criticism? I will have to think about that one.
It is never good when someone starts their statement, "Now, don't take this the wrong way but...." He only did it a few times, but I tried to put on my best....See? I am receiving this criticism in the best possible way...in public.....next to a woman trying her hardest not to eavesdrop on this married couple sort of way.....while people from my church are right over there.....kind of way.
Oh and we were also next to the garbage can....where there was a little wall between us and the garbage. I am pretty sure the worker lady was listening a little bit to us too - because it took her a really long time to exchange the bags and wipe down the area - plus, I think the second time she came back the garbage wasn't even full.......
The best part of our conversation was probably when we talked about the whole waffle and spaghetti thing going on with men's brains and women's brains. Remember? I posted about it a while ago.
We laughed about how true it is that Rainman completely has different little compartments for everything going on....every task.....every feeling....and one box - let's say the box where he is a little mad at me - doesn't even talk to the box where he goes to bed at night. Know what I mean, ladies? (wink...wink.....nudge.....nudge)
Mine, on the other hand is a mushy pile of noodles where everything.....everything.....everything....is connected and touches each other. I thought it was sort of funny that I said that I wished I could be more waffle like and compartmentalize things, but Rainman had no interest in being more noodle like. None.
The best thing I can say is that we managed to clear the air a bit and reaffirm for each other that we are still in this thing together - even if we find the other one annoying. That is love, right? Not movie or t.v. kind of love - but, real, down in the trenches kind of love.
And, it was good that he and I managed to clear the air and be all right with each other, because we had an event to attend with A-girl last night. And nobody wants to be the one there with the parents who are doing the whisper fighting, and the wife is keeping her nose in the air....and saying things like "Tell your father....." Right?
I don't have pictures yet, so I will tell you more about it later. But, we ran into a family that we know and the mom mentioned that her teenage son reads my blog.
When we got home, I heard A-girl telling L-girl what this mom had said in which she followed up with this statement, ".....I mean.....I don't even read mom's blog!"
Thanks, honey. Thanks a lot.
Hahahaha....it actually cracks me up. Both that this teenage boy reads my blog and that my daughter does not. She did inform me that she thinks my posts are sometimes too long and I don't have enough pictures. That is probably brilliant marketing wisdom right there out of the mouth of a 15 year old. So, I will take it under advisement and see if I can't shorten things up and throw in more pictures!
Here is something I can show you pictures of......
I cut A-man's hair the other night. He is getting to the age where he is finally more into his looks out in public. I have cut his hair more often in the last few months than I ever have. He spends a lot of time trying to explain to me how he would like his hair....and asking me for just a trim. I wasn't quite able to get it exactly how he imagined it, but it is pretty good. I am getting a lot less crooked....and chunky....when I cut. So, that is something, right?
My whole point with this story though was the fact that he sat down in my chair and I blurted out, "Man, you stink A-man. Like, you stink.....stink. I mean....you really smell like a man!"
He sort of did a sideways smile and said, "Yeah, I know." Like he was all proud of being smelly. Then I wondered if that is why middle school boys walk around in sort of a PigPen cloud of odor. They know they smell, they just don't care, because it means they are a MAN.
Before.....
After.....
Love that little smelly man.
Tuesday, September 29, 2015
Remote Awakening
Rainman doesn't really watch too much t.v. He watches sporting events, but not really any shows. I have converted him into being an NCIS fan though because he has gotten sucked in while walking through the living room or something. He is so hooked now that when A-girl and L-girl called him at work to ask if they could order this.....and would Daddy Dearest pay for it. He said yes.
Yes. The NCIS board game.
Who knew, right? It arrived yesterday and there was debate about playing at soon as Rainman got home from work. However, the kids neglected to take into account the one show that Rainman is obsessed with. And, when I say "obsessed", I mean it.
Rainman LOVES The Voice. He laughs at the antics of Adam and Blake. He predicts, quite accurately, who each singer is going to choose for their coach. He loves it all. Well, except the background interviews. He could do without that nonsense, and I love those little snippets into their real lives.
So, he came in last night grabbed his dinner and plopped down on the couch, ready for his show. He had to wait a few minutes because the two big girls were off doing something. I had the showed all cued up on the DVR and paused.....ready for action.
So, while we waited, I crocheted.
Now, a little known tidbit about Rainman. Rainman is not a man known for his patience. So, before I knew it, he had snatched the remote from the arm of my chair and was trying to flip through and see what else was on.
The only problem was that we were recording 4 shows at once, so he couldn't watch anything else. I told him that was why I had The Voice all ready to go. Then, for some crazy reason, he did the unthinkable. He announced that he was going to be in charge of the remote that night.
Seriously, the girls and I all sort of looked at each other with slightly panicked looks on our faces.
Rainman is also not known to be Mr. Technology.
He tends to super Fast Forward and then start pushing buttons sort of randomly trying to get them to do what he wants. You know?
(Yes, I know they spelled "dangerously" wrong...but it still cracked me up)
He actually did fine last night. Only skipped a few parts of the interviews and only fast forwarded through a little of the judge banter.
But, I discovered something about myself.
Apparently, I have remote "control" issues. Ha!
When I am watching in the living room - which really is "my" room. I mean, I have my own chair and everything. A little bit like Archie Bunker.....people can sit in it when I am not in the room, but as soon as I come in, I give them the old "get out" thumb and everything.
I am also usually in charge of the remote, unless, I am busy writing or eating or something and then I bestow the honor of the remote onto someone else.....and that someone else is really, never, Rainman.
I found myself clutching my crochet hook a little tighter, curling my toes a bit at the times when I would have stopped fast forwarding and he didn't. I suppose it is a little like teaching your kids to drive and you step on your invisible brake or clutch the door when you are going around a corner.
I did not like it one bit that I didn't have the remote in my hands. I couldn't adjust volume as kids (we have a few hold outs in our group) came in and out to ask questions. I couldn't pause when I could hear the fight over loading the dishwasher start to escalate.
I like to be in control of "my" remote. I have to laugh at myself though. He even commented that he had done pretty well and hadn't skipped any of the parts that I wanted to see. But, for me, it was not really a relaxing few hours of television. can relax more if I have the remote.
Wonder if he feels the same? I wonder if he is usually on the edge of his seat wanting me to press play, pause, or ff?
Maybe we can talk about it. He and I are due for one of our "talks" I am sure using quotation marks a lot today, aren't I? (But, I am going to assume you know what I am doing when I am using them....even though that isn't the correct usage for them. Don't worry, I am not teaching this method to my homeschooled kids!)
Anyway, Rainman and I are not in one of our smooth sailing portions of our marriage. We have been terse and snappy and frustrated with each other. There have been miscommunication and misunderstandings floating around us each and every time we try to talk to each other.
So, it is time for a.....talk. The problem, with me, is that I am not so good at getting my point across clearly, if I am upset or angry. I either cry or shut down. So, what I usually do if Rainman and I need to talk about something. I write him a letter first. Oh, how he hates getting those 12 pages letters. But, I sort of love them, because I know....I know....that my feelings and my thoughts and opinions aren't being misconstrued or that he will get distracted by my tears. They are concrete. Letters work for us. Even if they end up making him angry at the moment, he has time to think and be calm by the time we come together to actually talk. It works.
I have known that he and I needed to talk for a while now. He even knows. He has even said a few times, "We need to talk." I know, right? The husband said those 4 little words! He is a good one. Really. Even though he has been annoying me, misunderstanding me and generally making me just want to avoid him lately...I know he loves me. He is a good husband.
I know that he and I will be all right, in the end. But, getting us there. Figuring out how to talk to each other....what we have to say to each other....in a way that the other will be able to truly understand....is one of those hard parts of marriage that people don't tell you about.
I know we will be fine though. I do. One night recently, Rainman and I had an actual, out loud fight. It escalated to the point that we were both pretty much yelling. Seriously, people that never happens. I am not a yeller. He is a loud talker, but not a yeller either. At the end of it, I yelled, "I'm done. I am done." I meant I was done arguing and was walking away.
A-girl was already in bed and sort of heard yelling, but didn't really know what had happened until V-girl talked to her the next day. V-girl asked her, "Are mom and dad going to break up? Mom said she was done."
Luckily, all my kids know how Rainman and I actually feel about each other, because A-girl, instead of being scared, laughed and told V-girl that we were NOT going to break up....then she came and told me, so I could have a talk with her too.
With all this evidence, I really should have recognized that something was going on with me that wasn't normal. I should have. I am a fairly calm, cool and collected person and here I was yelling at Rainman.
One night, I even slammed the bathroom door and whispered a swear word.
Yes.
I whispered a swear word. (Sorry, mom) Not like me at all, but I still didn't see it.
Rainman actually had, what I jokingly call an intervention, with me about a week before I went in for my latest blood work.
He asked me to come out and sit on the porch swing.....for no reason.
Suspicious behavior.
I sat there with my arms folded across my chest the whole time. (Just call me Teenage Kayla.) He tried to look earnestly into my eyes and tell me he was worried about me. That he loved me. That I seemed like a different person....not the woman he married. I was an angry, unhappy person. "What is wrong?" he asked. "Maybe you should talk to your doctor."
I still didn't see it. Even as I sat there angrily wondering when he was going to be done and I could get up and leave. My thoughts were all in the realm of, "Who does he think he is?!!?"
I mentioned what Rainman had said to my doctor before the bloodwork and you could tell he was trying to hold back laughter and made some comment about perhaps it was some early menopausal mood change or something. Even he didn't attribute the issue to my thyroid.
Then, we got my blood work back and found out about my low....really low....calcium levels. The paperwork I got from the hospital listed symptoms as things like: increased irritability, personality changes, depression/unhappiness.
Oh.
Maybe Rainman was right after all.
We still need to "talk", but I haven't had the time to get my thoughts in order - on paper - yet. I may not actually write him a letter, but I have found that I do actually need notes when I have big stuff to talk about....otherwise I get too easily sidetracked and forget stuff.
So, if you have a chance this afternoon.....say a quick prayer that our "talk" goes well. I am still not myself. But, there are some things that he and I need to tackle and address so they don't fester and create more problems later. Plus, I need to explain how I am actually feeling inside - and now I won't feel so weak or like I am a loser - since I know it has an actual reason and will get better. It isn't just me being crazy. Although I never thought that I was the one acting crazy....hmmmm...
Yes. The NCIS board game.
Who knew, right? It arrived yesterday and there was debate about playing at soon as Rainman got home from work. However, the kids neglected to take into account the one show that Rainman is obsessed with. And, when I say "obsessed", I mean it.
Rainman LOVES The Voice. He laughs at the antics of Adam and Blake. He predicts, quite accurately, who each singer is going to choose for their coach. He loves it all. Well, except the background interviews. He could do without that nonsense, and I love those little snippets into their real lives.
So, he came in last night grabbed his dinner and plopped down on the couch, ready for his show. He had to wait a few minutes because the two big girls were off doing something. I had the showed all cued up on the DVR and paused.....ready for action.
So, while we waited, I crocheted.
Now, a little known tidbit about Rainman. Rainman is not a man known for his patience. So, before I knew it, he had snatched the remote from the arm of my chair and was trying to flip through and see what else was on.
The only problem was that we were recording 4 shows at once, so he couldn't watch anything else. I told him that was why I had The Voice all ready to go. Then, for some crazy reason, he did the unthinkable. He announced that he was going to be in charge of the remote that night.
Seriously, the girls and I all sort of looked at each other with slightly panicked looks on our faces.
Rainman is also not known to be Mr. Technology.
He tends to super Fast Forward and then start pushing buttons sort of randomly trying to get them to do what he wants. You know?
(Yes, I know they spelled "dangerously" wrong...but it still cracked me up)
He actually did fine last night. Only skipped a few parts of the interviews and only fast forwarded through a little of the judge banter.
But, I discovered something about myself.
Apparently, I have remote "control" issues. Ha!
When I am watching in the living room - which really is "my" room. I mean, I have my own chair and everything. A little bit like Archie Bunker.....people can sit in it when I am not in the room, but as soon as I come in, I give them the old "get out" thumb and everything.
I am also usually in charge of the remote, unless, I am busy writing or eating or something and then I bestow the honor of the remote onto someone else.....and that someone else is really, never, Rainman.
I found myself clutching my crochet hook a little tighter, curling my toes a bit at the times when I would have stopped fast forwarding and he didn't. I suppose it is a little like teaching your kids to drive and you step on your invisible brake or clutch the door when you are going around a corner.
I did not like it one bit that I didn't have the remote in my hands. I couldn't adjust volume as kids (we have a few hold outs in our group) came in and out to ask questions. I couldn't pause when I could hear the fight over loading the dishwasher start to escalate.
I like to be in control of "my" remote. I have to laugh at myself though. He even commented that he had done pretty well and hadn't skipped any of the parts that I wanted to see. But, for me, it was not really a relaxing few hours of television. can relax more if I have the remote.
Wonder if he feels the same? I wonder if he is usually on the edge of his seat wanting me to press play, pause, or ff?
Maybe we can talk about it. He and I are due for one of our "talks" I am sure using quotation marks a lot today, aren't I? (But, I am going to assume you know what I am doing when I am using them....even though that isn't the correct usage for them. Don't worry, I am not teaching this method to my homeschooled kids!)
Anyway, Rainman and I are not in one of our smooth sailing portions of our marriage. We have been terse and snappy and frustrated with each other. There have been miscommunication and misunderstandings floating around us each and every time we try to talk to each other.
So, it is time for a.....talk. The problem, with me, is that I am not so good at getting my point across clearly, if I am upset or angry. I either cry or shut down. So, what I usually do if Rainman and I need to talk about something. I write him a letter first. Oh, how he hates getting those 12 pages letters. But, I sort of love them, because I know....I know....that my feelings and my thoughts and opinions aren't being misconstrued or that he will get distracted by my tears. They are concrete. Letters work for us. Even if they end up making him angry at the moment, he has time to think and be calm by the time we come together to actually talk. It works.
I have known that he and I needed to talk for a while now. He even knows. He has even said a few times, "We need to talk." I know, right? The husband said those 4 little words! He is a good one. Really. Even though he has been annoying me, misunderstanding me and generally making me just want to avoid him lately...I know he loves me. He is a good husband.
I know that he and I will be all right, in the end. But, getting us there. Figuring out how to talk to each other....what we have to say to each other....in a way that the other will be able to truly understand....is one of those hard parts of marriage that people don't tell you about.
I know we will be fine though. I do. One night recently, Rainman and I had an actual, out loud fight. It escalated to the point that we were both pretty much yelling. Seriously, people that never happens. I am not a yeller. He is a loud talker, but not a yeller either. At the end of it, I yelled, "I'm done. I am done." I meant I was done arguing and was walking away.
A-girl was already in bed and sort of heard yelling, but didn't really know what had happened until V-girl talked to her the next day. V-girl asked her, "Are mom and dad going to break up? Mom said she was done."
Luckily, all my kids know how Rainman and I actually feel about each other, because A-girl, instead of being scared, laughed and told V-girl that we were NOT going to break up....then she came and told me, so I could have a talk with her too.
With all this evidence, I really should have recognized that something was going on with me that wasn't normal. I should have. I am a fairly calm, cool and collected person and here I was yelling at Rainman.
One night, I even slammed the bathroom door and whispered a swear word.
Yes.
I whispered a swear word. (Sorry, mom) Not like me at all, but I still didn't see it.
Rainman actually had, what I jokingly call an intervention, with me about a week before I went in for my latest blood work.
He asked me to come out and sit on the porch swing.....for no reason.
Suspicious behavior.
I sat there with my arms folded across my chest the whole time. (Just call me Teenage Kayla.) He tried to look earnestly into my eyes and tell me he was worried about me. That he loved me. That I seemed like a different person....not the woman he married. I was an angry, unhappy person. "What is wrong?" he asked. "Maybe you should talk to your doctor."
I still didn't see it. Even as I sat there angrily wondering when he was going to be done and I could get up and leave. My thoughts were all in the realm of, "Who does he think he is?!!?"
I mentioned what Rainman had said to my doctor before the bloodwork and you could tell he was trying to hold back laughter and made some comment about perhaps it was some early menopausal mood change or something. Even he didn't attribute the issue to my thyroid.
Then, we got my blood work back and found out about my low....really low....calcium levels. The paperwork I got from the hospital listed symptoms as things like: increased irritability, personality changes, depression/unhappiness.
Oh.
Maybe Rainman was right after all.
We still need to "talk", but I haven't had the time to get my thoughts in order - on paper - yet. I may not actually write him a letter, but I have found that I do actually need notes when I have big stuff to talk about....otherwise I get too easily sidetracked and forget stuff.
So, if you have a chance this afternoon.....say a quick prayer that our "talk" goes well. I am still not myself. But, there are some things that he and I need to tackle and address so they don't fester and create more problems later. Plus, I need to explain how I am actually feeling inside - and now I won't feel so weak or like I am a loser - since I know it has an actual reason and will get better. It isn't just me being crazy. Although I never thought that I was the one acting crazy....hmmmm...
Saturday, July 11, 2015
Yes! This!
I saw this video this morning on Facebook and thought to myself....Yes. This. This how I have felt for so long now.
It is sort of funny to watch a polar bear do it, but not so funny when you are trying to live your life and are dragging your head around, you know?
We have been trying to adjust my thyroid medication since my surgery. Started with one type. That wasn't working spectacularly, so we switched. We also realized that my vitamin D and calcium levels were really, really low. So, I started supplements for those.
I felt better and more like myself....for a little while....then, it sort of gradually declined. So slowly, that I was thinking it was all in my head.
Was I just becoming lazy?
I was feeling sort of "foggy" throughout my days. Here, but sort of not here. Hard to explain, but I just wasn't myself....in thought or deed.
I had a follow up appointment with my doctor last week and told him that I was still tired and not feeling like myself, but not so much that I could pinpoint anything. I sort of trailed off at the end like, "....maybe this is just how I am....and I forgot....maybe I am just kind of lazy...."
My sweet, wonderful doctor, did a little half smile and told me that we would see what the blood work showed and save our judgments and self recriminations until after we got the data.
We got the results back and I am happy to report it wasn't just in my head. My TSH numbers were way off. So, we have increased my dosage of this second medication (so far I feel no different).
I am still tired as soon as I open my eyes in the morning. I am still fuzzy and disconnected. The only thing I do feel different about is I am mentally kicking myself a lot less. Although it is hard because, I do sort of feel like a loser. My house is messier than normal. I have gained back every bit of weight that I lost last year. Seemingly mundane tasks like cooking my family dinner or getting laundry done just seem.....daunting.
I know Rainman is quietly feeling frustrated with me. Thankfully I am married to a really great guy and he isn't saying or doing anything mean to me. He just stomps a little bit when he has to load/unload the dishwasher...again....when he gets home from work. That is when my brain kicks in and says, "Oh, yeah....that is what I was supposed to have the kids do before he got home." Then it cycles into thoughts (when I let them) like "I am such a loser. I am so stupid. I am such a horrible wife."
I cycles even further down that bad rabbit hole of thoughts, when I try to get dressed and things that fit me a few months ago now don't. My wardrobe options at this size are already quite limited and even more so now that I have gained that weight back. I don't want to go out and buy more "big lady" clothes. I don't want to be that big lady. I don't want to wear most of the styles that are available in big lady clothes. But, when I am in the thick of it and letting my thoughts cycle downward, I just think, "I give up. I am just going to be the big lady....pass the ice cream."
Much like a teenage girl, my self esteem still seems to revolve around how I think I look. Even though I tell my kids that it is who you are that matters, NOT how you look. I know that deep down inside....but, when you look in the mirror at the tight, ill fitting clothes....it is hard to believe it.
It does not help that we are getting ready to leave for Rainman's family reunion where I will be surrounded by his family who is 99.9% slim and trim and eats/drinks as much as they want. They are just naturally slim people and I don't think they have any concept for people who aren't built like them. I love them. They are wonderful, funny, fun people. It is just hard to be around them and not feel like...well....a big, fat, loser.
In reading through symptoms of hypo-thyroid issues....brain fog, fatigue and depression are all listed there. I think I am definitely at that point. Again, it is frustrating to be able to identify a problem, but not really be equipped to do anything about it, or to take the time necessary to find the right balance of medications to help.
It is definitely a downward spiral....in all aspects. I don't have energy, so I don't work my Jamberry business. I don't work at my Jamberry business, so I don't make any extra money. I don't make any extra money, so I feel bad about myself. I feel bad about myself, so I don't care about my appearance. I feel bad about my appearance, so I don't want to do things. I don't do things, so I sit around my house and feel bad.
Blah, blah, blah. Whine, whine, whine. Right?
Good thing I have an all powerful God who knows me and loves me. I know that. I believe that. I preach it to my kids. Your worth is not tied into how you look....or even how much you accomplish. I even have a fantastic husband that doesn't love me based on my looks (or even how great of a housekeeper I am).
I need to beat myself over the head with that knowledge right now.....because, I really do feel like the polar bear shoving my face and upper body across the snow. I really do.
Somehow, even though all my doctors told me it might take up to a year to get everything balanced just right in my system and for me to feel like myself again....it wasn't supposed to apply to me. I was supposed to bounce back and be "me" right away.
It is always a huge bummer when you realize you aren't a super hero, but just a regular, old, person.
It is sort of funny to watch a polar bear do it, but not so funny when you are trying to live your life and are dragging your head around, you know?
We have been trying to adjust my thyroid medication since my surgery. Started with one type. That wasn't working spectacularly, so we switched. We also realized that my vitamin D and calcium levels were really, really low. So, I started supplements for those.
I felt better and more like myself....for a little while....then, it sort of gradually declined. So slowly, that I was thinking it was all in my head.
Was I just becoming lazy?
I was feeling sort of "foggy" throughout my days. Here, but sort of not here. Hard to explain, but I just wasn't myself....in thought or deed.
I had a follow up appointment with my doctor last week and told him that I was still tired and not feeling like myself, but not so much that I could pinpoint anything. I sort of trailed off at the end like, "....maybe this is just how I am....and I forgot....maybe I am just kind of lazy...."
My sweet, wonderful doctor, did a little half smile and told me that we would see what the blood work showed and save our judgments and self recriminations until after we got the data.
We got the results back and I am happy to report it wasn't just in my head. My TSH numbers were way off. So, we have increased my dosage of this second medication (so far I feel no different).
I am still tired as soon as I open my eyes in the morning. I am still fuzzy and disconnected. The only thing I do feel different about is I am mentally kicking myself a lot less. Although it is hard because, I do sort of feel like a loser. My house is messier than normal. I have gained back every bit of weight that I lost last year. Seemingly mundane tasks like cooking my family dinner or getting laundry done just seem.....daunting.
I know Rainman is quietly feeling frustrated with me. Thankfully I am married to a really great guy and he isn't saying or doing anything mean to me. He just stomps a little bit when he has to load/unload the dishwasher...again....when he gets home from work. That is when my brain kicks in and says, "Oh, yeah....that is what I was supposed to have the kids do before he got home." Then it cycles into thoughts (when I let them) like "I am such a loser. I am so stupid. I am such a horrible wife."
I cycles even further down that bad rabbit hole of thoughts, when I try to get dressed and things that fit me a few months ago now don't. My wardrobe options at this size are already quite limited and even more so now that I have gained that weight back. I don't want to go out and buy more "big lady" clothes. I don't want to be that big lady. I don't want to wear most of the styles that are available in big lady clothes. But, when I am in the thick of it and letting my thoughts cycle downward, I just think, "I give up. I am just going to be the big lady....pass the ice cream."
Much like a teenage girl, my self esteem still seems to revolve around how I think I look. Even though I tell my kids that it is who you are that matters, NOT how you look. I know that deep down inside....but, when you look in the mirror at the tight, ill fitting clothes....it is hard to believe it.
It does not help that we are getting ready to leave for Rainman's family reunion where I will be surrounded by his family who is 99.9% slim and trim and eats/drinks as much as they want. They are just naturally slim people and I don't think they have any concept for people who aren't built like them. I love them. They are wonderful, funny, fun people. It is just hard to be around them and not feel like...well....a big, fat, loser.
In reading through symptoms of hypo-thyroid issues....brain fog, fatigue and depression are all listed there. I think I am definitely at that point. Again, it is frustrating to be able to identify a problem, but not really be equipped to do anything about it, or to take the time necessary to find the right balance of medications to help.
It is definitely a downward spiral....in all aspects. I don't have energy, so I don't work my Jamberry business. I don't work at my Jamberry business, so I don't make any extra money. I don't make any extra money, so I feel bad about myself. I feel bad about myself, so I don't care about my appearance. I feel bad about my appearance, so I don't want to do things. I don't do things, so I sit around my house and feel bad.
Blah, blah, blah. Whine, whine, whine. Right?
Good thing I have an all powerful God who knows me and loves me. I know that. I believe that. I preach it to my kids. Your worth is not tied into how you look....or even how much you accomplish. I even have a fantastic husband that doesn't love me based on my looks (or even how great of a housekeeper I am).
I need to beat myself over the head with that knowledge right now.....because, I really do feel like the polar bear shoving my face and upper body across the snow. I really do.
Somehow, even though all my doctors told me it might take up to a year to get everything balanced just right in my system and for me to feel like myself again....it wasn't supposed to apply to me. I was supposed to bounce back and be "me" right away.
It is always a huge bummer when you realize you aren't a super hero, but just a regular, old, person.
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
The Busy Homeschool Mom's Guide to Daylight - Review
This was a book for me. Just me....the "busy homeschool mom". You can see by the emoticon above how it made me feel.
This book is by Real Life Press.
The book itself is called The Busy Homeschool Mom's Guide to Daylight, by Heidi St. John.....mother of seven...wife......author......homeschool mom. So, yeah, that sounds like "real life" to me.
I feel a bit like Jerry McGuire....or whatever Renee Zellweger's characters name was in that movie. The whole "you had me at hello....." part.
I had an inkling of that feeling from the publishers name....Real Life Press. That was definitely a real precursor or foreshadowing (to stay in the movie mode) of what was to come between the pages of the book.
I got a real, physical, paperback version of this book! That deserved the exclamation point because, I am just not an e-reader kind of gal. I keep trying and trying, but it just isn't me.
So, happy I got a "real" copy of the book.
So, why did this book make me
?I don't meet a lot of people in my real life that I can truly relate to, or that I know can truly relate to me and my daily struggles and triumphs. I haven't met Heidi St. John, in person, but, I can tell you that she "gets" me....which is why, she basically had me at "hello", or the Introduction with her "one fancy eye" story." Which seemed like a glimpse into my bathroom when I was trying to get ready to go somewhere - the interruptions - the questions - the kid doing school in there with me - the baby finding gross stuff on the floor - the yelling from the other room. The details weren't an exact match, but close enough so I knew she exactly how I have felt in those situations.
Relatable.
Real.
I will just share a few of the encouraging....wise......helpful tidbits that I took away from this book.
"Managing your day, is really just about managing yourself."
Let that one sink in for a minute, because it is quite profound, if you let it be. It isn't about creating the perfect list or routine. Obviously, those things help, but not if your priorities aren't in order. Ms. St. John tells me that the first thing I need to do is make my marriage the priority relationship at home.
Let that one sink in for a minute too.
Again, it is one of those things that we "know", but rarely do we really follow through with it....because we are busy....the kids are loud and more vocal with their needs (hopefully) than our husbands. Most of the time, it is easier to fall into the mom first, wife second order.
Rainman is actually much better than I am at forcing us to take a minute and stop and pay attention to each other. I am just so busy, that I tend to brush that stuff aside. I loved when she talked about "That Girl" that our husbands fell in love with still being there inside of us....somwhere.... and still needing to be part of my life and marriage.
Moving onto priorities related to kids. Another one of her statements really hit home for me. She talked about her schedules and plans and how a comment from one of her kids that "she wasn't fun to be around anymore" made her stop and realize that she couldn't remember the last time she did something with the kids that wasn't housework related.
Uggg.
Yes, I blame stuff in the more recent months to my thyroid surgery, but, I did used to be more fun. We used to do scavenger hunts. We used to do baking projects....just because. Not so much lately. No "just because" fun things are happening around here. Now, I am just trying to get the house clean and the laundry done. (Not that those aren't important....but time goes fast and I don't want their memories of me to just be cleaning stuff or making them clean stuff, you know?)
Another point in the book that I both loved and realized is the 100% truth was that every busy homeschool mom needs a break.
True.
Hard to make happen.
But, true.
But, like Heidi's friend Carol told her......."Taking time for yourself is NOT optional". I think we need to remind ourselves of this and give ourselves permission to not be an option....if there is enough time....if it is convenient. You know? I understand this one in my head....but, I will need a little nudge to make it actually work in my life. And, not to feel selfish when I do actually take time for myself.
I also loved her concept of "white space" in their calendar. Actual white space that didn't have anything....yes, I said anything....on it. No doctor's appointments, no lessons, no sports (good luck with that one this time of year, right?). No obligations. So, you can either be fun and spontaneous...or rest. Both awesome things that you can't do without white space in your calendar.(Brilliant concept, but, I am one of those people that will probably have to "schedule" my white space time. Ha!)
Later in the book, she talked specifically about how she prioritizes her day. Not to say that we need to just do what she does and we will be fine, but to give us encouragement to simplify and make our own individualized plan. It is always helpful and good to have examples of what has worked or not worked for other people....even if it is just a jumping off point for your own plan.
She listed off her 3 priorities, which made me realize that I needed to do some work on mine. Hers are simple:
Spend time in God's word everyday
Spend time alone with her husband everyday
Be intentional and look at each day with specific goals in mind to accomplish
If I compare myself to her, I will come up seriously lacking. But, if I allow myself to be encouraged by her example, I am left feeling a lot less depressed. :)
I mean, I wish I could say I spent time in God's word everyday, but the reality is that sometimes, the only bit of God's word I see is if someone puts a scriptural quote or picture on FB.
I wish I could say that Rainman and I spend time alone everyday....but, honestly, I haven't ever even thought of trying to make that a reality.
It is a completely foreign concept to me. I could let that depress me and take me down into the "I am a horrible wife" rabbit hole, but I am not going to do that. I am just going to use her idea as just that an idea. Will Rainman and I magically start spending lots of alone time together every day? No. But, I bet we will spend more time together than we did before I started thinking about it.
About half way through the book, she has a section simply titled "Nothing good is ever easy." Again, for me, this was one of those simple, yet truly profound statements.
It is true, isn't it? Motherhood? Good...defnitely not easy. Marriage? Good....definitely not easy. School? Good...necessary....not easy. Homeschooling? Awesome.....but, most definitely NOT easy.
It was on page 112, that I really started wondering if Heidi St. John and I were really twins separated at birth. She sounded just like me. She loves her children, her husband, even cooking....but, understood the feeling of dread/depression come 4:30ish when I realize I have no idea what is for supper and that I forgot to thaw the chicken. (which means, once again, everyone having cold cereal for supper....again.)
I loved Chapter 4- Hungry Daylight - Feeding Your Family Without Losing Your Mind. I won't say it was my favorite chapter, because I gleaned a lot of good things from the whole book, but this chapter made me realize that I wasn't alone in my food struggles and that I wasn't a total loser (horrible mother) for forgetting to thaw the chicken!
I really, really loved this book. It was written in such a real, relatable way, that even if you are a homeschool mom that doesn't also happen to have a ton of kids like Heidi and I....you will find lots of good ideas and encouragement for using your daylight in the best way possible.
I will also say that even though the word "homeschool" is in the title, I think any busy mom could get some good stuff out of this book. I just found it incredibly relatable and helpful because I happen to also homeschool. Make sense?
You can get a copy of The Busy Homeschool Mom's Guide to Daylight....for $10. Rainman will be happy to know that I am already planning to pop over and get a copy of the The Busy Homeschool Mom's Guide to.....Romance.
(I think she is a blonde now.....wonder if that is part of the romance plan?)
Take a look at what other TOS Reviewers thought of Real Life Press and all their offerings.
Thursday, August 7, 2014
The Whole Spaghetti and Waffle Thing
Have any of you read the book, Men are Life Waffles, Women are Like Spaghetti?
I haven't read it, but I have a few friends who have and they have explained it to me......(I'm not a doctor, but I play one on T.V.
)
In case you have never heard of it and have no idea what I am talking about, here is a video clip that explains the concept by the authors, Bill and Pam Farrel.
It is true.
Rainman and I are so different.
We have trouble talking to each other....without one of us getting frustrated, or, let's be honest here....angry.
Rainman thinks of one thing at a time. He does one thing at a time. One little waffle square at a time. You know?
I don't do that.
I can't do that.
I have got noodles all over the place. (Sometimes literally with the little people I live with!
)
I usually do a pretty good job multi-tasking and keeping track of all of my noodles.
Lately though, I have been longing to be a waffle....even if it is only for a little while.
My problem is that I have so many things(noodles) to think about and try to accomplish that I am not getting any of them done.
Right now, I am trying to:
I haven't read it, but I have a few friends who have and they have explained it to me......(I'm not a doctor, but I play one on T.V.
)In case you have never heard of it and have no idea what I am talking about, here is a video clip that explains the concept by the authors, Bill and Pam Farrel.
It is true.
Rainman and I are so different.
We have trouble talking to each other....without one of us getting frustrated, or, let's be honest here....angry.
Rainman thinks of one thing at a time. He does one thing at a time. One little waffle square at a time. You know?
I don't do that.
I can't do that.
I have got noodles all over the place. (Sometimes literally with the little people I live with!
)I usually do a pretty good job multi-tasking and keeping track of all of my noodles.
Lately though, I have been longing to be a waffle....even if it is only for a little while.
My problem is that I have so many things(noodles) to think about and try to accomplish that I am not getting any of them done.
Right now, I am trying to:
- Plan for school (starting next Monday)
- Find all the books/supplies needed for next Monday (I know they are here somewhere....)
- Support A-girl (she started a more traditional school this week with D-man)
- Get my bookkeeping work done for the company I work for
- Type up the invoice for D-man's lawn mowing business (I know....he should do it himself, huh?)
- Try to come up with a MicroBusiness or two for myself
- Decide whether or not having a renter in our basement apartment will be a good thing or a bad thing (Anyone know of a nice little old lady looking for a new home? Does she like kids?)
- Try to pick and settle on a paint color for my kitchen cabinets....island....various furniture pieces
- Try to commit and actually hammer a nail into the wall and hang stuff up around here
- Organize my living room in a way that doesn't have it overflowing with furniture and bookshelves, but has the things I need nearby
- Figure out how to give my bedroom a makeover without spending a ton of money. Romantic or cute?
- Keep things clean
- Restart past chore systems, so I am not the only one keeping things clean
- Remember to mop the bathroom floor
- Eat my new way, which has been great - but requires lots of planning and thinking ahead (Trim Healthy Mama)
- Read Insurgent and Fault in our Stars.....plus many, many other Non-fiction selections that are waiting for me
- Remember to pull weeds and trim bushes (or assign that to someone)
- Learn new songs for praise team
- Use products and remember to take notes for writing reviews on them
- Keep track of my review deadlines
- Wonder if my friend, Sherri, is having a great trip to see her family
- Be Samson, and get started writing a book (which I think will just be a compilation of things I have learned in life.....mistakes I have made.....stuff that works for our family.....funny stories from my blog)
- Decide if the above book makes sense and if anyone would actually read it (should I care?)
- Figure out how to update the cover picture on my blog
- Try to remember to get my kids to pose in front of our fridge at the new house
- Organize our craft/sewing room so it makes sense and we can easily find/see all our fabrics and yarn
- Remember to do laundry (before I walk into my bedroom at night and see the pile that I have meant to wash for the last 2 days)
- Not to get too tied up in my lists and my computer that I forget to just love on my kids and play a round of Old Maid when they ask me to
- Not miss my family too much(visits are bittersweet and I just got back from seeing them all)
- Tell the lady from A Love Beyond Borders that we just can't afford to adopt those 3 sweet little girls....
- To figure out a way for us to adopt those 3 sweet little girls
- Research whether A-girl's fruit sensitivity is actual an fructose allergy
- Decide whether to intervene in the current sibling fight I hear in the basement
- Try to work on all the things the financial planner told us to work on, so Rainman can actually retire someday
- Schedule eye appointments for Rainman, D-man, and A-man (who has been getting headaches)
- Get physicals for Rainman and I scheduled so we can get our reward from our HSA account....I think I have until September 1st....oh, that is almost here, isn't it?
- Figure out a way for my waffle hubby to understand me better....and vice versa.....
So, you get it now, right?
I just want to go paint my kitchen cupboards.....without thinking about the 50 other things touching my noodle.
Then.....when that is 100% completed, I want to read a book.
Then.....when that is 100% completed, I want to teach my kids.
Then.....when that is 100% completed, I want to write a book.
Who am I kidding?
That would drive me crazy. I actually can't even imagine living like that.
It is just frustrating right now because I feel like I am thinking about so many things and trying to make decisions about so many things....that I am actually accomplishing.....nothing.
I just need to use one of these little noodle portion thingies.....
(I will take the little man sized portion, please) Image courtesy of Reykjavik Cornerstore
.....and just try to handle those noodles on my plate before going back for seconds...or I turn into this....
Labels:
babies,
Big family,
chore planning,
cleaning,
Marriage,
Me,
motherhood,
Rainman,
retirement
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